Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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