i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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