I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
