you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
