how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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