My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i think my cat just said my name.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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