FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
