I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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