I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
