I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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