Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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