i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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