I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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