i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
