I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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