Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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