it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
