I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
3pm strippers are depressing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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