Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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