I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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