She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
