big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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