I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
