Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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