We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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