I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
