Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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