So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize