Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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