I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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