i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
