I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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