To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
