thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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