I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
