I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
