I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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