can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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