Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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