wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize