exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
