Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
