used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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