so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
