So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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