Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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