I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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