so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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