Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
