you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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