the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
