She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
