but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
