I'm lost and stupid without you.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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