I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
