this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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