so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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