I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
