she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
