tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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