wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
