I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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