I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
