I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
