Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
