I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
