She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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