i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
