If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
