i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
