you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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