I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
