he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
