You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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