someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
