White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So. Much. Porn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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