IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
