if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
