fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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