If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize