I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
