when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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