I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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